My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
