didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
