I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
