i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Barsexuality is the new black.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
