I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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