I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
