Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
