I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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