apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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