I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The uberlube is also flammable
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
