You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
