you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
