the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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