I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
