also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
