Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
