I want to have your abortion
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
