New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
