OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
