Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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