there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
