so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
