maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
