dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
