I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
