Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
