i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i came on her dog
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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