i don't plan on having that self control this summer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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