cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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