I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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