The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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