Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize
