Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
