Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
