I feel like I'm in dance class right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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