I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
