I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
