You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's like iHOP with fire
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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