I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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