happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
