How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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