How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
