Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
