I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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