You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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