I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my shit smells like andre
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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