we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My dick has a subreddit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
