awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
