I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
