I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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