it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
