just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
