I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
