Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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